So, a new semester has started and I, for once, am highly excited about my current prospects. I adore my new university and for the first time in years, am stimulated by my courses. I should have done this quite some time ago, but I'm not going to sweat it that much. I loved my former school and did some serious growth there- I can never hate on them for that. I can, however, resent the hell out of them for creating a highly restricting course schedule and advisers that regularly tell people that they can flaunt it.

However, since I've started here, I've yet to meet that many interesting people or potential friends, and I have to admit, it is a little lonely. But, most of my fellow Spanish majors and I are beginning to warm up to each other and I still have some type of human interaction at work and between my roommates. It wouldn't be so bad if I could have a hug or even a friendly punch every once in a while. But, I did expect some of this. A person can't make serious changes in their life or even smaller ones (like cutting all of my dreads off) without some downside. I'm going to be just fine.

What I did not expect, however, is my increasingly reliance on a computer. Pitt is no joke when it comes to having a online materials- it seems like all of my classes have some type of internet based activity. Now, while it would seem more reasonable to get everything done after work(as most reasonable people would) I can't. To be honest, by 6:00, I'm usually wiped out. In order to get around this, I've taken to napping until midnight and making my way down to campus around one to get things done and then mostly pushing my way back up the hill to get home. It's not that bad on a bike, but I'm seriously going to have to come up with more leg muscle. Biking is not for the weak of arm or leg.

But on other fronts, I'm... fine. Doing the best that I can in the time that I got and am hoping for good weather next weekend (I would love to take a Walk to Nowhere, even if it thunders again) and doing my best to prevent my lifestyle from completely making me as basket case.

Best of Luck!

So, word on the street is that it is currently International Blog Against Racism Week. For reals, I'm not sure I really care- if this week were actually something that I hear people discussing at my job or on the street I would be more excited.

To be honest, I'm not sure what blogging about racism will do to affect the world around me. I know that a substantially large population of the country does not have computer access and I am certain that an even larger percentage has never seen a person of color outside of their television. What use could come of this exercise that consists of People of Color teaching American Caucasians something they could have found out if they took five minutes and Google. I'm tired of feeling as though I have to teach adults concepts that I have known since childhood.

And it hurts.

It hurts me that I can't describe the ways that racism has shaped my life without being seen as overly sensitive or playing some kind of "card" (who in the hell thought up something that stupid sounding anyway?). It pains me when I cannot describe my life experiences or personal anecdotes without them being seen as less simply because the part of my family that knows I exist does not come from Europe. It pisses me the fuck off when people I have known for years refuse to discuss things out of discomfort but then have the audacity to jump down my throat when I show any hint of prejudice. And it makes me utterly furious when I am expected to teach grown fucking ADULTS stuff for one week simply because they're too busy during the other 51.

I hate International Blog Against Racism Week. I know that some people truly get some benefit out of it, but the only thing it gives me is heartache. Unfortunately, I once again swallowing my pain and frustration and attempt to educate others about the way the world truly works. I am not going to be nice about it and I surely am not going to stop due to making people uncomfortable. I'm tired of having to play nice about race and how it affects the lives of many people.

It's time to get dirty.

So, life has been more than a little busy for me in the past few weeks. While some things have been more life affirming than others, it is best that these things must be listed.

( Let's Start )

Friends and dear ones do this as well. I'm glad to say that I'm in the slow process of making some new ones as well as beginning to struggle out of the burden of finals. Am pretty sure that I bombed one class, but there's not much I can do about that.

Here's a quick update:


Due to various issues with my supposed landlord, I've been asked to find another place to call home. Now, I can't even try to lie about how this made me feel (my brain turned into a See & Say that said RAGE), but I feel that I took it rather well. Was excited by that place and it truly did feel like home. However, since I "fail to meet income requirements", there's nothing much I can do. Fortunately, due to the effort of some friends, there is a standard (provided something else doesn't go wrong) chance that I will be living in the same building as a Fireheaded friend of mine. It won't be the same place, but I do look forward to moving in in June. *crosses fingers*

Due to not finding enough money to take summer credit (there's no financial aid for that here) there's a chance that I will not be graduating in the upcoming fall semester. I'm going to work my hardest to make it so, but I really am ambivalent either way. I'm just pleased that I'm going to finish before Carlow *really* gets in trouble. It's kinda sad watching all of the staff and the financial aid staff look so pinched. They're nice people.

With this extra time (and hopefully lessened rent) I will have some funds available to me for a small bit of summer travel. I'm not looking to anything huge, but it would be nice to spend a little time with family and friends. I just would prefer to do it before I start my summer job- it's nearly impossible to get a day off, and I only have a 45% chance of getting the day that I want off.

On the upside, I've been working on plans for the Clothing Renovation Project. I have a few designs, but what I lack is the time to actually cut, sew and try on these things. I suppose I'll have time to start/finish these things after the semester is over, but it's kinda a pain. In the meantime, I'll have to console myself with yet another revision of the Steampunk Lolita Outfit. It's in the same position it was before (folded sloppily in a plastic bag) and incredibly undone, but I will finish that before July.

Must get to class, beheading Russians waits for no one!

Laters!

I've been considering going to graduate school in order to gain certification to teach. Now, considering might be a poor choice of words considering teaching is what I want to do with my life, but as of this moment, a wall of options has been put up. There are some seriously good graduate schools out there and I do want to choose what's best for me but this presents a problem.

I'm not sure about what I want.

Do I desire What the Wallet Wants

What My Mind Wants

For My Love of DC

What I *definitely* cannot afford

So To Stay Close to Family

Or the most dangerous of all:

What My Heart Wants

This is giving me a bit of a problem to sort out. I need to know just what I'm doing before I finish taking both my GREs and my Praxis exams. And as this is coming up soon, I wanted to just put my options out there so as to gain some perspective.

See, I'm not looking to go farther west- I prefer life on the East Coast. Nor do I desire to travel a far distance away from family (in case of emergencies) but not incredibly far from those I care for. Now, schooling in Philly seems like a reasonable option- I would gain some experience in a new city that is still within my state *and* only have to pay resident fees. But I do have to admit that I love the hell out of DC. Spending a year there would be more than enjoyable. I'm not knocking the states surrounding it (after all, I do have some love for Maryland Delaware and Virginia) but I worry that attending school there would result in the redefinition of boundaries.

Any opinions?

Lately I’ve been annoying the hell out of people with examples of who I am now and who I used to be. And I have also promised a small look into what’s going on in my head and heart. While I cannot promise the latter, I can give you a small taste of the former.

( “Press )

Looking over this, I’m rather embarrassed to spend this much time speaking of myself. But, I do try to keep my word whenever possible and dislike whenever I fail.

Peace.

Ok, so I wanted to make this post to inform people of the things that are going on in my life right now. After all, though I may tell stories of my day to day, I don't really inform others of the larger things that transpire in my day to day. I could speak to you of the sweet moments (but I don't feel like talking about my job) or the awkward moments (but I don't like discussing my family unless we're face to face) or even of the moments of personal growth (I swear I will get that damn post done), but right now, I'm kinda caught up in a little bit of panic.

I feel like I'm losing my ability to follow through on my actions. To be honest, finishing something is never my strong point, I much prefer the passion and joy that comes from the beginning of the project. Now, this often does not come to bite me in the ass, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to stay on top of everything that I need to get done in the immediate future. This is starting to scare me. I've tried to bring it up to various friends but something in me has stopped myself every time. But I think I need help.

I can't do this for much longer. I'm always tired, my immune system is shot, I get random tremors and I'm in such and advanced stage of zombie mode that I don't even care that things are freaking beautiful outside. Yet despite these feelings, when I try to express my concerns to people I hold dear, I can't find it in me to give the basics on how I feel. To make things worse, even though there are more than several people that I care about in the close area (and one more coming on Friday) I can't help but feel rather lonely and trapped in a system of self imposed exile.

I can't keep this up anymore. I think this is what burnout feels like, but I know that I do not have the option of taking time out for myself. That is not something I can do for another six weeks.

So I ask of you, how do you deal with burnout? Do you just pick terrible option of "working through it" and crash later, or do you do your best to treat yourself better when you know that it's rather impossible? When is enough, enough and you know that you will either crash and burn or do serious mental damage whilst protecting one's image.

I do, however, wish all of you the best of luck in your endeavors. Please be sure to take care of yourselves and eat with some schedule of regularity.

Peace,

So, life has been going rather well for me. I'm keeping up in classes, had a lovely visit from a Mr. Myconido, and am in the process of learning to reconstruct clothing for various purposes. These things are rather nice and give me some time to relax during a stressful semester. Yesterday, however, I was informed that some of my plans have gone awry.

Due to various issues with my finances (and no fault of anyone or thing that I have done in the past fortnight), I can no longer afford to study abroad during the summer. Now, I will admit that I am a little crushed about not going- I badly want to see a Spanish speaking nation. What I cannot be crushed about the fact that this opens more possibilities for me.

There are several things that I wanted to do over the summer that would have been seriously blocked by studying abroad. I now have the option of working during the summer at camp, becoming closer with friends, and reducing the amount of financial aid that I'll need for my last semester of undergraduate study. I need to earn about $5000 to pay for my last semester, doing camp and babysitting will put me well over that mark (hopefully enough over mark enough to afford a small place of my own or a slightly larger place with a roommate.

In addition to this, as I mentioned earlier, I'm coming up on what I hope will be my last semester as an undergraduate. You have no idea how excited this will make me. It's an odd sensation, I've done some serious growth during the past four years (how did anyone put up with me?) and am slightly frightened and excited to moving on the next level of my life. All I need to do is take one or two summer classes(evenings preferably) and do my best not to die in the meantime.

Wish me luck!



**On an completely unrelated note, I want to create a voice post of the works of Kahlil Gibran. If you haven't read them, please do. They're made to be heard in a mellow voice that sounds much more relaxing than those that I found in the library. His words are like thoughtful velvet- thus, not to be read by a nasal, Ben Stein-like voice. Does anyone know how to do this?

Dear Roommate,

I understand that you're a freshman and that there are some things that you will understandably fail at. I do not expect you to have the amount of personal growth that comes from spending some time by yourself or doing serious college work. I also do not expect you to read this.

But I *do* expect you to speak like you're a fucking adult.

You're 18 dear, there is no need to speak in a voice that sounds right at home with Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. It gets irritating quickly and it makes me take nothing you say seriously. I've heard your real voice and I find it pleasant. What I do not find plesant, dearest, is your other habits. Frankly, they irritate me immensely.

So, I hear you have boyfriend. That's great! I'm glad that you've found some happiness. I regret to inform you, however, that my happiness for you is almost dead after being completely unable to contact you during the hours of 8pm and 12am and you are *sitting across the room*. I did not sign up to be with you so that I could be completely ignored for hours and asked only to lower my volume or to comfort you during one of your fights. I am training to be a teacher. That word is not synonymous with nanny. I have my own work that I need to get done and I will not lower my volume just so that you can type away on instant messenger and flirt with your boyfriend over webcam.

And then there's the thing about your gas....

Honey, I know that everyone does it- flatulence is a common occurrence. But could you at least say "excuse me"? When did that become difficult? Though you are from another culture, there are some basic niceties of American society that we adhere to. In addition, if you realize that broccoli gives you gas but you cannot stop eating it, by some Beano. I work a long day at work and do not appreciate coming into a dormitory that smells of sulphur and Febreeze. After last week's discussion I thought you would have understood my request, but I feel that somehow miscommunication has seeped into our relationship.

And while we're on it, could you stop with the racist jokes? Though you state, "well, I don't want to sound racist, but-", you sound incredibly racist. I don't like this at all. I am a strong woman of color and I will not live with someone that asks me ridiculous questions (and while we're on the subject, no, I do *not* braid hair) and then pillows them with backhanded compliments. I'm too old for this type of nonsense.

Now, I can be polite, but I will not be kind if this behavior continues. I hope that our talk tomorrow can help us reach a greater understanding.

No Love Whatsoever,

Me

Well, as those that I manage to call know, I have started what will hopefully be my penultimate semester of college. Unfortunately, this means that my amount of free time will be reduced dramatically. Now, though I know that few people read this journal and even fewer care for its contents, I did feel it would be necessary to put up my schedule so as to make it easier to arrange calls, meetings, trips and various other slices of life. Therefore, ( let the scheduling begin )

M. Night Shamalan,

I understand that you pride yourself on being a "filmmaker". That's wonderful in my personal opinion. After all, as far as I know, it's incredibly hard for Desi or any other type of POC filmmakers to earn respectable wages in Hollywood. Honestly sir, though I dislike most of your movies (to be perfectly honest, everything other than the Sixth Sense was made of cheap plot devices and fail), I did have a bit of hope when I found that you were to direct the Avatar the Last Airbender movie. After all, who would be better to recognize the
Unfortunately, my hope for this movie being anything other than utter shit died when I saw whom you chose for your main cast.

Mr. Shamalan, as an Indian-American man (or do you prefer to be called a Desi? The choice is up to you) did you ever find it insulting that your voice and skin tone were rarely, if ever portrayed in a positive manner by the media? Did it ever grind your gears when you saw people who were obviously *not* of your ethnic group play characters that did little more than pander to stereotypes? I know that I did. To me, the idea of being so fundamentally lazy and incredibally culturally insensitive as to fail to find proper actors to fufil these roles. However, I thought that seeing as it is no longer illegal to hire actors of color, there would be a chance to see a lovely cast of Asian actors that we rarely see.

Sir, I have to ask: Jesse McCartney as Zuko? Nicola Peltz as Katara? "Edward *fucking* Cullen" as Sokka? Just what were you thinking? Forgive my naivete, but I would assume that if a person is creating a movie based in a land where the peoples, cultures, mannerisms, and name schemes are influenced by several Asian ethnic groups, it would be prudent to hire Asians to fufill these roles. Instead, like many "filmmakers" have done before, you chose to sell out and wash out a defining part of the series. Does this not bother you? Have you no consideration for the fans? Where, in your history of being an Indian American man did you internalize the idea that white= default?

So in closing, Sir, I must say with all the respect and love that I have for the series of Avatar the Last Airbender: Fuck you.

I understand that I don't often behave as though my life has been difficult. To me, the practice of constantly behaving as though I'm still the person I was five years ago seems to be a bad idea. So, in order to distance myself from where I was, I focus more on where I am and where I will soon be going. This does not mean that my life is problem free or even lacking in adversity. I know, however, that after making it my life thus far, everything now seems like a cakewalk. But being told by someone that *knows* some of what I've experienced that my life, "isn't that bad" truly makes me raise my hackles.

I have bills to pay. Often times, I pay bills for other people. I argue and squabble with my loved ones just as anyone else does. My mood *can* sour and my face will occasionally frown. I worry about paying for school, getting to work, payday, insurance, suitable footwear, and the various little fees that come up during life. I have to prepare for two nationalized tests, find money to study abroad, and find some time and place to spend with various friends, family, and loves. Hell, I'm still trying to figure out what a shower means! But, like many people out there, I choose not to speak about the things that actually bother me, Heaven knows I feel enough about making this post.

However, some things must be said. I understand that you're having a hard time right now- I really do. And my sympathy for you exists. I know that dealing with tasks such as bills, repositioning family life, and work can take it out of a person. I know this, because I'm doing it too. I know how I react to things may seem callous, but I know from experience that brooding over your troubles does nothing to fix them. It would do your heart and soul better to recognize the things that you do have and how much of an impact they make on your life. Address these things and think of how your life would be without them. Consider who you could be should something terrible had happened in your life. Instead of feeling down about what you don't have or have yet to achieve, celebrate who you are right now and come up with a realistic goal to get you where you desire to be. I can do many things such as listening, empathizing, and holding, but I cannot do these things for you indefinitely. You must learn to look inside and support yourself- only you can do this.

And that's all I've got to say.

So, I missed a couple of days. I could complain about the unfairness of life and flail, but catching up just saves more energy.

On Friday, December 12, 2008, a great deal of things made me happy. I managed to stop a meltdown at work, "cooked" gingerbread forts with my kids, and met a dear friend at my job. In addition, I also got to walk in a lovely snowfall without having to complain about the temperature. Oh, and I picked up a new bottle for lotion and things*.

The following day (Saturday, December 13, 2008), I woke up on time for work and managed to get there before my boss. I got to play with various groups of children and ate tasty kosher cake (yes, it *can* exist!), had my bento admired by cowokers, and had a relaxing hour to myself. Following this, I got to watch Muppets from Space. It was strange noticing how children have no idea who Kermit the Frog is or why he's the boss.

On Sunday, December 14, 2008, I was incredibly tired. Though I managed to reach home in record time (desperation is a funny thing) I failed to see my niece. That still stings. But I did get to visit my Great Uncle that's in the hospital and put up the Christmas tree. Now I have to look forward to "assisting" (read: doing) the Holiday Decorations around the house's interior and exterior. However, I did manage to speak to someone I haven't all week and get to work on a pair of mittens.


*please note. Person that possesses my other lotion bottle. I still want it back. Don't make me come down there....

But I still persevere through it all. For yesterday, December 11, 2008. I had a great deal of things that made me happy.

One little kid at my job has taken to leaving me heart shaped notes and bags of chips. Before seeing this, I has having a rather unhappy day. So, thanks little bit (whomever you may be). You kinda saved my day.

In additon to this love token, I went out to eat by myself for the first time in months. It was incredibly pleasing to state to the waitress, "no, it's just me today" and then get into a conversation about why people are so uncomfortable eating alone. Then I was told something flattering by a random stranger (I never know what to do when girls flirt) and had a wonderfully relaxing walk home in the rain.

So, on December 10, 2008 several things made me happy.

I managed to catch up on most of the sleep I lacked during the weekend. It felt incredibly nice to just enjoy some time between the sheets and not have to worry about completing anymore papers or workbooks.

I'm also glad that I got a decent hug yesterday. Lately, my hug quota has been rather unfulfilled. I look forward to giving and recieving them, but there are few people here that I can easily contact just for a hug. So, thanks David (but seriously, eat something- you're bonier than me).

The kids at my job are nuts and I now realize that even though I have bad days with the kids, I still want to see them everyday. It makes me feel less shaky about my future in some way.

Until Tomorrow,

Well, I noticed this happiness meme floating around and decided to catch the disease. But since my friends list is rather small, I, like others will just leave this open to anyone that see it.

So for yesterday, December 9, 2008:

I got taken out for dinner by one of my instructors. It was a thank-you gift for helping to teach her class during the year. I finally managed to have crab for the second time(!) and got to have rather interesting conversations about where life ends up leading people. It was rather deep.

I'm incredibly happy about taking my Spanish final yesterday. I didn't find anything incredibly hard on it, and managed to leave believing that I did reasonably well on it. This was a relief- only one more to go!

I got to speak with various Dear People yesterday! This always makes me feel better and two of us managed to have (yet another) "We REALLY Should Get to Sleep" talks. It was nice to do that again.

Yesterday was gorgeously unseasonable. It managed to hit almost 20 degrees Celsius and it rained. I love rain.

Laters!

So, this year I'm trying something different for the holidays. Instead of being asked about what I desire and not knowing the answer, I actually do know of a few things I desire. Let it be known that I do not desire these from any singular person and do not expect to receive any of them. I just want to make life easier before someone asks.

( So )

Just to create a good frame of reference, check out here

Well, I'm proud to say that Barack Obama won the election I feel that his policies are just what this nation needs after so many years of not being able to trust the government. His willingness to face issues that plague our nation is to be commended, and though things will be rough on his administration. I will give him my full support. What I have a problem with, however, is the amount of people that are surprised by this victory and wish to rescind it. Though I can understand their frustration of losing in an election that meant a great deal to them, I fail to understand how empowering a person that is not connected with the needs of all Americans would have benefited the nation.

When asked about their views, these people responded that McCain "knew the needs of the average citizen" and "would protect their rights". After hearing this, I questioned them about what makes someone an American and received answers that should not have surprised me. To the females at my school, the "average American" is predominantly white, lives in suburbia, and worries about their job. When I countered their beliefs about the the proverbial American, I was bluntly told that the problems of poverty, alienation, and unemployment are not the concerns of "real Americans" because, you know, they aren't one of us.

So, half of the nation, many of whom have families that have been citizens generations longer than most of my school are not "real Americans".

This. Is. Bullshit.

The truth of the matter is we can no longer behave as though the problems of some Americans are not the problems of all Americans. After working so hard to promote a candidate that encourages change, it would be a slap in everyone's face if we turned back all the effort that we put into this election. Yes, I know the election is over (Thank my always changing and incredibly patient Creator) and that we need time to recover from all the effort, insults, and occasional bruise that occurred over the past eight months. But we cannot look to the victory that we have and leave it to collect dust.

The United States, my friends, must keep striving for more.

I know, I know that we won. But it's time to stop speaking about the political "we" and start focusing on the encompassing "we". Not we the Democrats. Not we the Republicans. Not we the disabled, the Black, the White, the rich, the poor, the urban or the suburban. We as Americans have to work to make our nation better for all of us . As a group, we cannot stick to the same nonsense we heard during the last week of the campaigns. Hell, I dare you to look around and point out "A REAL American. I hate to break it to many, but the people that work with you are real Americans, as well as the people that struggle to figure out how to make sure their kids eat tonight. We come in every color, size shape, religion, sexual orientation, and accent. Some of us only speak English, while some of us don't. This divisive rhetoric has been going on for much too long.

It's time for change. A change of how our nation sees itself, how it perceives the needs of its most desperate, and the way that we treat one another. I can't be the only person that's tired of continual repetition of past beliefs and prejudices. Let's face it America, we as a nation are too damn old to continue to live in the past and we're too old to ignore the needs of our country. So, for the second time in one day, I leave you all with one sentiment:

It's time to get to work.

At 11:00pm my president was elected.

Congratulations President Barack Hussein Obama. Tonight, you've made the dreams and torments of an entire generation worthwhile.

Thank you for the danger that you've put you and your family into in order to achieve your goal.

Thank you to all those who voted for Obama.

Thank you to John McCain for bowing out gracefully.

Now, lets get to work.

So, by now I'm sure that you've heard about a couple of Skinheads in Tennessee that( created a plan to kill 88 people and Senator Barack Obama ). Now, while this comes as no surprise to me (I have very little faith the the "average American") I find that I must say something about the relative silence that I've heard about the subject.

Now, forgive me if I'm wrong, but when a presidential candidate has a death threat, I do believe that it becomes national news. This

I've been watching Fox News for the past two hours waiting to hear a word about this attempt. It is now 10:22 and they finally mentioned that the event happened but this attention lasted less than five seconds. After mentioning there was a plan to kill a total of eighty nine people that was foiled, they then resumed what they were doing after this "breaking news" that happened over five hours ago.
What bothers and frightens me is the sheer amount of race baiting and hate mongering that is being permitted and encouraged in the McCain/Paliln campaign. For example, at a

Sorry to interrupt, but it's now 10:35 and there's still no mention of this plot. Let me continue...

Has anyone actually heard the crowds at the McCain/Palin political campaigns? Let me help you out here , here and here . Now, let me turn your direction to this. During the last debate between presidential debates, Obama mentioned the levels of racist speech and death threats towards both him and his family to McCain. And while I know that this question was a little out of place, instead of taking a stand against the dangerous comments that are born during your speeches, they choose to say nothing.

It's 10:43 and there's still no mention of this plot.

When did it become so easy to forget the past? Is it even possible that anyone could ignore the signal that this is sending to people? When one chooses to ignore calls of murder towards anyone, it is called condoning . Is it so easy to forget that political leaders were often killed only one generation before? And despite this refusal to acknowledge the threat this places on the lives of Senator Obama and on the people that support him, the McCain/Palin camps continue to let this speech happen.

How could they forget about the crazies? The klan, skinheads, the various other groups that hate anyone that doesn't look like them are not a thing of the past. What could happen if this subtlety enters the mind of someone with military training? I doubt the CIA would have such an easy time catching someone that survived military training or was a former army contractor. And should (if) Senator Obama manages to win this election what can be done to ease the tension that stems in these pockets of hate around the country? How are these people going to support the decisions of the commander in chief that they don't even believe is an American citizen?

Let me ask you something, when the hell are people going to wake up? Racism is alive and well in this nation and is not going away anytime soon. The longer people choose not to discuss it or to let the discomfort that many were taught not to voice outside of your ethnic group, the longer it will take for threats like this to become historical shames. Isn't it time that everyone starts behaving that race is something that influences lives? And trust me, if you don't think that you're influenced by race, think again. It shapes the way that you look at people, the things you assume and the messages that we give the world.

It's 11:00 and they still haven't mentioned anything. And I'm tired. I'm just tired of this. I'm tired of living in a nation of people that knows less about me and people that resemble me than I know about them.

And I'm tired of having to explain to freshmen that I am *not* the people she sees on television and have no desire to beat her, mother her, or clap my ass to the sounds of Young Jeezy.

I'm sick and tired of having to answer questions about my political choice and receiving a knowing smirk from people because the know "why I'm really voting for him" before I even opened my mouth.

I'm tired of having people clutch at their bags when I walk down the street, tired of being followed in stores, tired of having to explain the significance of my goddamed screename.

It's 11:07 and nothing has been said yet.

I'm tired of living in a country where the color of my skin reduces my life's worth.